The Triscuit Debacle of 2012

Triscuits suck normally. I hate plain triscuits with a fiery passion usually reserved for political extremists, injustice and green beans (oh man, we need to talk about green beans another time).

This being said, there are exceptions to every rule. Rosemary and olive oil flavor triscuits are amazing. I could eat them all day. Nom, nom, nom. They are great alone, they are great with Trader Joe's edamame dip. I would even love it if my apartment smelled like rosemary & olive oil flavored triscuits. They aren't terrible for you. They are perfect for a mid-morning or mid-day snack. I love them so much, I even buy then when they are not on sale.

So this morning I'm chowing down on my favorite snack and I just happen to look at the box. BAM!I almost choked on my delicious Triscuit when I saw the following:

 Photo courtesy of me

What does that even mean? Why can't Nabisco just put 'NATURAL FLAVOR' on the box? Why does it have to be 'NATURAL FLAVOR WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVOR?" Who is in charge of editing this shit? Clearly, Nabisco is a sloppy company and that cannot properly proof-read their own product material. Alarmed, I begin investigating the entire box. And guess what else I found?

 Photo courtesy of me

It is not "NATURAL FLAVOR, (CONTAINS CELERY)" but "NATURAL FLAVOR (CONTAINS CELERY). The lack of comma affects the entire meaning of the ingredient list. According to the lack of comma, celery is a key ingredient in the flavor of this Triscuit. Have you eaten celery? What deep, delicious flavor does celery present when you bite it? None! That's why you eat it with peanut butter or with Nutella or with dip. Celery has no taste and burns more calories when you chew it than it contains. It is a guilt free utensil-like method of shoving foods that are terrible for you into your mouth. It is not, nor will it ever be, a legit natural flavor.

Rosemary and olive oil flavor triscuits are dead to me. They shall go back to their rightful place in the order of the universe, just below Cheez-its and Wheat Thins.