These don't even cover most of the weirdness I've encountered with dating. Close, though. (Source)
To help alleviate some stress and straight-up eliminate dudes right off the bat, I'm strongly considering handing out the following questionnaire on all my first or second dates. The "gentleman" (and I use that term loosely) will have about 20-25 minutes to complete it before they will be able to join me at the bar. I'll review it and decide based on their answers if they can continue on. This is a reminder that this particular questionnaire is tailor-made to fit the parameters of things I consider important in life, such as not being with a tool. Your questionnaire might be different, say, if you are into football or are vegan. To each their own!
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Good evening! I'm Natalie! Thanks for meeting me on this date! I super appreciate that you [probably] showered and put on your best formal flannel to meet me for drinks at this dive bar or over-priced craft cocktail bar located in the Capitol Hill neighborhood. Just so we're not wasting any time, I'd like to start off with a few quick questions just to make sure we're part of the same species. Please use the number two pencil provided and, should you have questions or explanations about anything, feel free to go ahead and skip to the bottom of the form.
1. Do you responsibly drink wine, beer and/or hard alcohol? If "no", go ahead and skip to the bottom of the form.
2. Do you consider yourself an intersectional and transclusive feminist? If "no" or "I love all women!", please skip to the bottom of the form.
3. Would you consider yourself an enthusiastic football super fan? If "yes", skip to the bottom of the form.
4. Do you acknowledge your privilege (be it in ability, class, economic, education, gender, gender identity, racial, religious, heterosexual, etc) when confronted with it? If "no", skip to the bottom of the form.
5. Do you like to play "devil's advocate"? If "yes", skip to the bottom of the form.
6. Are you afraid of using the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" should they apply? If "yes" or "I thought you weren't into labels, Natalie", please skip to the bottom of the form.
7. Do you use the terminology, "making love" in a non-joking manner when referring to sexual intercourse? If "yes", please skip to the bottom of the form.
8. Is monogamy a thing you're cool with at some point? If "no", skip to the bottom of the form.
9. True or False: Rape Culture is real. If "false", please skip to the bottom of the form.
10. Generally speaking, do you think you will want to have a child one day in the far-off, distant future? If "no", please skip to the bottom of the form.
11. Do you think reverse racism is thing that exists? If "yes", skip to the bottom of the form.
12. Are you currently enrolled in a PhD program at the University of Washington? If "yes", skip to the bottom of the form.
***Hi there! Were you told to skip to the bottom of the form? Ooo. Rough. This means our time together has come to an untimely and swift end. Long story short, I am not the right woman for you. Please put down your number two pencil and feel free to leave the bar in a polite manner. See ya never and "Good Luck" out there!***
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And because you should always end everything with Beyonce:
